Against My Will

An advance version of a new report (2/14/20) prepared by the United Nations Special Rapporteur on Torture, Nils Melzer, presents a detailed definition of psychological torture.

As summarized by Aljazeera, the report describes psychological torture as:

“the purposeful infliction of fear, depriving someone of control over their lives and disrupting a victim’s self-determination and autonomy.

Psychological torture directly targets psychological needs such as security, self-determination, dignity, social rapport and communal trust.”

According to the Melzer report, it can also include targeting the victim’s identity, violating their privacy, the use of mobbing, betrayal, and deceptive role play.

Every single one of these tactics has been used against me over the past 7 years!!


I believe that every individual has within them the germ of divinity. That every individual deserves a life with a measure of dignity…that these truths are self-evident.

And so, to a certain extent, I also believe that continuing to resist and defy the predation I am enduring, however grueling a struggle it continues to be, serves a purpose that transcends merely asserting my right to autonomy…that in some very small way, I am also saying something about every person’s inherent right to make their own choices in life. At least I hope so.


“That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow. That is the entire Torah; the rest is the explanation…” – Hillel the Elder, Jewish religious leader and scholar, 110 BCE-10 CE



Note: The full 21 page report by the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture is available for download as a Microsoft Word document at https://ohchr.org/EN/HRBodies/HRC/RegularSessions/Session43/Documents/A_HRC_43_49_AdvanceEditedVersion.docx